Jasmine Hart

This is a really lovely piece. I agree with Amelia about the spacing. I love the alliteration of the first line, it sounds really melodic, which is appropriate for the ...

I adore Plath! (Love isn't the right word in this instance, I just idolise her and marvel at her...and I could go on and gush over her, but I'll try ...

I loved "swimming in the black light", and the image of the plant. I think that the laundry image is a little cliche. I don't understand the tinfoil reference... I ...

This probably doesn't need to be said, but, love it, love it, love it. Beautifully written as always, and I'm enchanted by the plot. You're fond of your Amelias, aren't ...

It really is beautiful, and you've expressed yourself perfectly. As the others have said though, it is very short. I think it would be nice to try and expand it. ...

Fand makes some very good points, and I do think it would be interesting to scrap the rhyme for the next draft. As it is, I'll look at what you ...

Heehee. This was so fresh! It's hard to say anything very helpful as it's so short, but I would suggest giving "It's found in every Finnish home" a line of ...

Pretty :) It flows beautifully and I love how the story unfolds. Your imagery is very vivid. I especially enjoyed the second stanza, and "Collapsed cardboard dreams caved in." I'd ...

Lol. I liked this. I didn't expect the twist at the end, and thought that it was very effective. The flow was good, and your language is powerful. I think ...

It's nice. I'd change "lie" to "lies", and put a comma after "forgotten" instead of a full stop. I'd also put "I will fail to forget" onto a line of ...

Initially, this flowed nicely, but it might be interesting to try this without the rhyme, as I think it's restricting you. I'd omit "has" from the fourth line. I'd also ...

I thought that this was really good. It flowed well for the most part, and I like how the story unfolded. I love "uneasy peace', and the last two lines ...

Lol. I enjoyed this. It was just so clever! I loved how you counted down the words. I think it kind of created a sense of urgency, like you were ...

Now, this ending I like! I loved the last sentence, it really showed how detatched the father was, and, on the whole, the conclusion was beautifully subtle. I might strike ...

Woah. This was so fresh! I wish I could be helpful, but I'm sort of in awe at the moment, so I'll just have to try really, really hard, ok? ...